I don’t normally believe in asking for free beer, but when a
press release arrived with news of the latest product launch from
Dublin, Guinness 0.0, and the only places to buy it were stores
nowhere near where I live, I let eagerness to sample over-rule
reluctance to blag. It’s not as if Diageo can’t afford the cost
of posting me a couple of cans, and it wasn’t as if I wouldn’t
be rude about the contents if that was necessary.

Guinness Zero, as seen in Indonesia

This is not the first time Diageo has launched an alcohol-free
stout: the company brought out Guinness Zero for the Indonesian
market (where it sells a large amount of beer) in 2015, although
that brew was withdrawn after just three years. But with the
alcohol-free bandwagon in the UK picking up more and more
passengers, it’s getting to the point that if you DON’T have an
AF version of your main brand, you are in danger of being left
behind at the bus stop.

I remain, still, dubious and cynical about the chances of
long-term success for the low-and-no alcohol market, because I am
old enough to have lived through two previous periods where the
sober alternative was hailed as the exciting growth market, only
for that initial big surge in growth to splutter and fade. The
problem has always been that while drinkers certainly want a
product that will deliver all the pleasures of real beer without
the problems that come with getting pished, no company has yet been
able to successfully deliver that product. Consumers rush to check
out the promises of the latest low or no alcohol launch, the
initial sales figures look tremendous, drinkers soon find those
product promises are not being kept, and the drink actually falls
well short of the hype, being a poor substitute for real beer,
sales subsequently dive into the terrain and another
multi-million-pound R&D/marketing effort gets written off.

What could make a difference this time is that the market in
beer looks as if it may be going through one of its rare but
seismic changes of focus, in this case from the primary purpose of
drinking beer being delivery of refreshment to the primary purpose
being the delivery of flavour. (The last time this happened, in the
UK, was 60 to 80 years ago, when the primary purpose of beer
drinking, as new cohorts of drinkers arrived, changed from
rejuvenation to refreshment, and lager began to rise from an
insignificant two per cent or so of the market to its current
massively dominant 75 per cent or so.)

Now, it’s a lot easier to deliver a satisfying low or
no-alcohol beer when you’ve got plenty of flavour to hide the
fact that you’ve got no alcohol than it is when you’re trying
to imitate a pale and thin-tasting lager without the punch of C2H6O
underneath. Thus as “flavourful” beers, led by IPAs and the
like, begin to take an increasing market share, so we are seeing
low-alcohol and no-alcohol versions of those beers, such as Punk AF
and Ghost Ship 0.5%, spread out along the shelves of supermarkets
and off-licences.

Given that fact, therefore, an AF stout, oxymoronic though that
is, has a fair chance of delivering something closer to the
experience of the “real” beer than most brews with the alcohol
taken out. The press release for Guinness 0.0 says that the company
spent four years perfecting the product, arriving at a method that
“gently removed the alcohol though cold filtration,” thus
“avoiding thermal stress”. I note that the ingredients include
fructose and “natural flavourings”, suggesting that the
“filtration” (osmosis?) removes more than just alcohol, but I
doubt anyone at Diageo is going to reveal what really goes on.

Anyway, the result is … pretty acceptable, actually. The
in-can widget delivers the familiar thick, creamy head, with a
touch of chocolate on the nose. The instruction is to chill the
can, but I would suggest that if you keep the cans in the fridge
you pour the beer into your glass and then let it warm slightly:
the initial impression straight from the refrigerator is thin and
watery, with a slight “burnt” note, but that improves as the
beer warms up a little, with the flavour compass swinging round to
“roasty”, and the mouthfeel opening up and becoming rounder and
fuller. There is a good beery bitterness to ensure the palate does
not become over-satiated, a reminder that “sessionability” is
not just a question of low alcohol content, but of maintaining
interest. As a “distress purchase” if you really want a beer
but simply cannot drink alcohol at that moment, Guinness 0.0
certainly passes the test: it might even be that vastly rare
product, an AF beer you could drink all night without wishing your
glass was filled with actual proper beer. That, however, is an
experiment I’m not going to try, at least not until I have the
“designated driver” role thrust upon me …

One experiment I DID carry out was something I’m sure won’t
amuse Diageo much: what happens when you mix Guinness 0.0 with its
vastly bigger brother, Guinness Foreign Extra Stout, the massive
7.5 per cent alcohol monster that is the closest we have today to
the strong stouts of the 19th century?

If you try this one at home, don’t put the FES in the glass
first, because when the cold 0.0 hits the warmer FES, all the
nitrogen drops out of solution and you have a glass half filled
with foam. Rookie error, I know, but … once that is sorted, the
head you end up with is so thick and stiff, it’s actually
biteable, almost like clotted cream. The beer, now halved to a
light 3.75 per cent alcohol, is, perhaps, what an old-style Irish
porter might have been like: a long after-taste for its medium-full
mouthfeel, hints of sour tartness and earthy umami, a very pleasant
drink that was certainly vastly more interesting and
multi-dimensional, even at its comparatively low strength, than
canned Guinness normally is. THAT was a beer I would certainly have
carried on drinking all night.

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